I recently went on an excavation excursion to that failed time-tested social gathering of "myspace" and read my old blogs. During this jaunt I uncovered a treasure trove of lost thought and emotions . Even though the people and things masked by my, at best "illusive" and "concealing", style of writing have long since dissipated I decided to post one of them. enjoy.
Current mood:selfishly confused
feeling torn between two things that i am both without.
waiting at a cross road and having to choose a pathway but the roads only exist in a dream...a mirage. and with the morning i discover neither routes lay ahead.
left standing in a room with two locked doors to which i have foolishly gambled away the keys.
my heart lacks the luxury of choosing one door or the other. i closed and chained them both out of my own will and discretion...in doing so i unfairly wounded those on the other side without warning.
phantom urges and desires that have long past onward...
but they each return so frequently.
reaching across for something that is no longer there for me to embrace and fall back on. yet the lingering remnants of these connections feel as real and present as the earth beneath my feet.
i find myself questioning both
was one just a temporary replacement for the other? am i feeling the need to retrace steps to only fill a void?
i am not depressed. rather the word that comes closer but does not describe my state is "yearning". but for which door or road i am not sure.
and with these questions and statements i find again that i have not the keys nor ability to move towards an answer.
if i sound crazy its probably because i am.
